Post Number One

Following In Big Sister's Footsteps...As Usual!
Ok, so because my sister, Harmony, has a blog...I must have one as well, right?! Right!
I am ten years younger than she is and I have looked up to her my entire life; I typically tend to pick up on anything "cool" she is doing and end up doing the same thing! (Twilight, Scentsy, Jewelry, Blog, etc.) Isn't that what little sisters are supposed to do?! :) That's what I thought! So...here it is, My Blog: It's The Smash.

Smash?!
Yes, my blog is called: "It's The Smash". Why? Well, when I was 19 I was a co-host on a morning radio show at a local station here in CC. My Radio Personality name was SMASH. (Thank you High School Newspaper Team for Donning me "The SMASH".) It comes from Ashley...turned SmAshley...turned SMASH. The name was a hit to say the least and here 7+ years later I am still THE SMASH! And quite frankly, I like my nickname. What does it mean? 2 Reasons for the name: 1) I was the one girl in our group of friends and extended friends who no one could "smash". Yes, dirty, I know...but also powerful because I stood my ground. 2) I would "smash" hearts. The Newspaper Team said I was a heart breaker. I would tell it like it is to a guy no matter how awesome and cute he was, often hurting their feelings without remorse and ulitmately breaking their hearts and smashing their egos. My Motto: "So, you think you can?" (again, something that was made up for me!) I don't think any other name would fit me better than this one. Besides the affectionate, "hooker" from Sistah!! So there, when you see my blog yell: "It's The SMASH!"...and now you understand.

Fighting The Inner Fatty
I am on a weight loss journey. All my life my weight has been up and down. I was 180 pounds in 8th grade...by far one of the largest girls in my grade. I was gothic for part of my life as a result of the depression I have always battled. I had DDs and a low self esteem, even tho the TaTa's gained me a lot of attention...it wasn't the attention I wanted. Over the course of the summer I decided I would NOT be the Fatty with big boobs in high school, so I started my very strict diet and exercise plan. Atkins, walking 4 miles a day and Tae-Bo. (Billy Blanks is still one of my Best Friends!) Boy did I lose some serious weight. I entered High School with a new found confidence and took Freshman year by storm. I created a very successful "party girl" image for myself and lived up to that most of my HS career. I was the rebel. I was the bad seed. The bad apple. But I didn't care because I looked good. (and made acceptable grades **A's and B's per Dad-Mr. R.**) I was at my smallest at age 17. I weighed a whopping 135 pounds at my lowest weight and fit into size 3 & 5 jeans. (which was unacceptable because it wasn't a 0 or 1 like all the "real" skinny girls...PUH-LEEZE, I'd NEVER want to be that size now! I'll take a 7, thanks.) But no matter what I looked like to everyone else, in my head, I was still the fatty 8th grader. Graduation came and went, College came and stuck...to my ass! I gained the freshman 15 PLUS more. No biggie, I was still in a size 10-11.  And I was slowing losing weight by working out with C, my personal motivator. (Yes, my weight is based around the number on my scale and on the tag of my jeans!!) Then came pregnancy, not something I was prepared for. I ate like a pig. I ate for "two" instead of 1 &1/8. I overindulged in the "food gifts" people would offer me because "the baby wanted it". I was your typical first time mom. I gained WAY MORE than I should, or ever wanted to! After pregnancy the pounds kept packing on. Finally, a co-worker of mine invited me to lose weight with her. I took a look in the mirror and was horrified at the beast staring back at me. Who was that? Where was I? How did this happen? And What am I going to do to fix it?
Weigh in April 2010: 250 pounds!
I slowly started to care. I slowly started to try. And that slow pace went on for about two years...I lost a whopping 15 pounds. :( Then it hit me! And it hit me HARD!! I was BIG, tired, lazy, couldn't fit into clothes, kept buying clothes to fit me instead of trying to fit back into my clothes, I ate everything, had no moderation, didn't care about portions, blah blah blady blah!! So I started small: No Sodas. I got a gym membership. I took to the trusty route I had taken back in the summer transition of 8th to 9th grade. I cut back on many things carb-filled. I started to see results. I linked up with C, SHE WAS LOOKING FAB and I wanted that! BADLY! So I pushed myself. Like really really pushed myself.
Weigh in as of January 1, 2013: 190 pounds!!
Normally that number would have scared me, pissed me off, sent me into a spiralling depression of junk food eating and no exercise. But I was Flippin' Extatic! I hadn't seen the 1's in sooooo long! I fit into some pre-pregnancy jeans. I felt better. I had more energy. As I should! I lost 60 pounds!
But that is just the tip of the iceberg. I am hoping on losing 40 more pounds this year alone. I am going to really really reallllyyyyy push myself. I know I can do it. I know there is a skinny girl in there still. I just have to keep Fighting the Inner Fatty. Punch that Bitch in the Face!

And now, I am challenging myself. To run. A 5k! I don't run, I hate running, Let's RUN!!
I will be participating in the Color Me Rad run on February 02, 2013.

Not-so-Single Mom
I am a mom. A not-so-single mom. She is 4. (LoveBug, Lil' G, Chula. She has a lot of names. But for Blogging and clarity I will call her Chula.) Her dad is not here at the moment. Encarcerated. She thinks he is in "big boy school". Yes, I spare my child the horror that her dad is a "bad guy". (He is not, he made a stupid mistake.) So, essentially, I do it alone. I feel like a single mom most of the time. I find myself saying, "Being a single mom and all..." and using the "single Mom" term quite often. It's become more of a habit than anything, trust me, I do not envy "real" single moms. He is there for me emotionally when we can write/talk/visit, but not there physically. The thought of us having our family is sometimes scary for me because I am so set in my ways. I am used to doing things my way, when I want, and answering to no one. I am the final say. I am the authority. Sometimes it has it's drawbacks: like when I need a second opinion on Chula or when I wanna just yell, "Go let your dad do it/deal with it", but that isn't an option in my world. All the love, discipline, playing, dressing, bathing, feeding, etc. is done by me. Alone. Yes, I have help from my mom, dad, and MIL but really, I am SOLO. I've been this way for 2 years now. And I don't know when it will end. but I'm ok with that right now. I have accepted this as my life. It is what it is.

Blog About It
I am not a blogger. But I can Facebook with the best of them! Maybe I should just leave my blog open and post here what I would post there. Maybe. We'll see how it works. So, if I fall off...give me a swift kick and I will be back on track...or just tell me my sister posted and I will probably be posting within the next ten minutes! :)